Sunday, April 12, 2015

Torn Between Two Worlds

I live a hectic, yet simple life now.  My days are filled with my kids' activities, work with the Colorado Horsecare Foodbank, and ranch chores.  I grew up smack dab in the middle of suburbia.  My pets weren't livestock or even dogs for that matter, they were fish and hamsters and a guinea pig.  I didn't live on acreage.  I loved malls and fashion and metropolitan life.  Oh, how God had other plans for me!

My fashion plans were cut short by marriage and children.  A move to the Rockies opened the door for a new adventure.  I've always loved animals.  Though very allergic to cats as a child, I would play with them until my eyes swelled.  I tried to catch bunnies in the backyard with laundry baskets and carrots.  Now I breed Nigerian Dwarf goats, raise chickens and ducks, and own 7 dogs and 5 cats.

Recently, I had a night out with hubby.  We went to a local mall that is more of a destination than a mall with more high-end stores than I've ever seen in one place.  I felt awkward, underdressed walking among all of the high fashion.  Designers I had loved and followed in my youth now having lost touch with as I grow older.  I began to long for the luxurious fabrics, latest fashions, designer labels.  My mind swam with questions; what am I doing, why am I farming, why can't I be like everyone else in suburbia.  Hubby and I had an amazing night despite my insecurities rearing their ugly heads.

Once home, I was reminded of why I'm doing what I'm doing.  I'm no longer a fashionista.  I no longer follow fashion trends and crave the latest thing.  My ranch brings me great joy, I belong there.  I'm happiest mucking pens, collecting eggs, and cuddling baby goats.  The running joke is that the floors in our house are the "barn floor" with kids, cats, and dogs tracking mountain dirt in.  Sweaty and without makeup doesn't bother me one bit.  I may long for my old life from time to time, but I realize I'm not that person.  I've grown, I've changed, I'm the person I should be, a farmer!

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